A Different Christmas
by Kagurazaka
Summary: ‘Happy families are all alike, but unhappy families are all unhappy in their own different ways.’
1. Part One: Natsuki

A Different Christmas

Disclaimer: Jingle bell belongs to santa, Mai HiME belongs to sunrise, and the unhappy people quote is courtesy to Eva from Mahou Sensei Negima! Which in turn she took from Anna Karenina, which I never bothered to read.

Tadaima: I'm home

Okaerinasai: Welcome back.

Pointless fic about the overused Christmas angst and stuff. Oh, and short, so very short. And yes, I know that it's 5 months too late.

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_**Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells  
Jingle all the way…**_

Before I knew it, Christmas had come again. Walking silently behind Mai and Mikoto on a busy street at Christmas eve, it was hard to not notice how an usually mundane street like this would lit up like a dying fire that had suddenly burst to life, just to celebrate the day when Jesus; the son of God whom no one knows for certain really existed or not, was born.

Happy families, couples, children, men, women, salary men on a drunken stupor, they all seemed… so happy. Smiling, laughing openly, doing things they normally wouldn't do on normal, tedious days. But then there's people like me, I noticed. People who didn't smile, people who wore frowns and contrasted so much with their surroundings, they stood out like a child's drawing on a timeless master piece.

I soon realized that when everyone was happy because it was Christmas, the reason for people to be unhappy was never the same, maybe they hated Christmas, maybe someone close to them died, but whatever it was, they were all unhappy for different reasons.

'_Happy families are all alike, but unhappy families are all unhappy in their own different ways.'_

I guess that was why Mai asked me _that_ question. "Hey Natsuki, do you… hate Christmas?"

That sudden question caught me off guard. "Why do you ask that?" I asked her back as I took my time warming my hands on my cup of hot chocolate, as we had stopped in a small café for a break; both of them were sitting on the other end of the table.

She stirred her coffee absent mindedly as she popped her chin on her hand, "It's just that you seemed quieter than usual, and you're frowning." She said as she mimicked the state my face must be in right now, after wiping off some cream from Mikoto's face first.

"No, I don't particularly hate Christmas…" It was true. I never hated Christmas; it was the _happy _memories that came with it that I despise. I was painfully reminded of my lone existence, so painfully aware of the fact that nothing but darkness would greet me when I open the door to my apartment. "…Nor do I particularly like it."

Mai raised an eyebrow, indicating that she wasn't quite satisfied by my vague answer, but she didn't prod more, much to my relief. My mind was as vague as my answer itself.

---

"You got everything you need?" I asked her as we neared the school.

She sifted through her grocery and nodded in affirmation. "Yeah, thanks for shopping with me today, Natsuki."

"Ooiii! Mai!" Mikoto shouted; already a good distance away from us, waving her hands energetically.

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit upon the sight of the younger girl. "Well," I said finally, "Good luck with Tate tonight."

"I-it's not like that!" She countered, against what I didn't know. Her cheeks were beginning to turn slightly red. I guess she misinterpreted my statement, nothing would happen with Mikoto around, at least she would know that much, but when faced with love, it was as if all logic was thrown out of the window, that much I know. I had seen someone kill for it.

Another "Ooi! Mai!" shout was heard from Mikoto. Waving back at her, Mai started a small run towards her companion, not before shouting "Merry Christmas!" at me. Which I didn't have a chance to reply since she was already quite far away, or maybe because I never bothered too. I turned to my left and began walking back to my apartment.

See, if this was a manga, the main character would mutter inaudibly, "Merry Christmas" to his self while he ate his cake, alone while it was either snowing or raining outside. I wouldn't do such thing, no matter how I wanted to pretend that there was something to celebrate, to just say Merry Christmas for the first time since _she _died, even if no one was hearing. It invites pity, and that was the last thing I wanted, forget how idiotic it would be.

Kuga Natsuki, the cool biker girl who beat people up, going all fluffy and celebrating Christmas alone? I wonder what that Nao girl would say, upon seeing me in such a pitiable state. The façade I had simple mindedly created had grown, and unexpectedly, became me, the Kuga Natsuki everyone came to know. The me who followed dear Mommy around calling her name no longer existed, or rather, no one recognized her.

"Tadaima," I said to the darkness greeting me as I entered my room. It was a habit that I never managed to shake off, even if that single word would send a stab of emptiness in my chest every time I uttered it. Not that it mattered; I was simply used to it.

"Okaerinasai, Natsuki."

Then, a familiar ring greeted my ears, like the ring of a bell. So sharp it was, yet so pleasing to hear. Immediately recognizing the voice, I spun around, and found myself standing before her.

"…Shizuru."

She was smiling as usual, yet differently so. Maybe it was the rare gentleness in her eyes that were otherwise devoid of readable emotions.

"Merry Christmas, Natsuki."

I felt my lips pointing upwards and my facial features rearranging themselves. I too, for a reason unbeknownst to me, smiled back at her, and muttered a phrase I thought I had abandoned long ago, "…Merry Christmas, Shizuru."

End

---

I actually laughed at the end of this fic, for the corniness of it. Erhm, anyways, I wrote this fic after feeling depressed from Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito's ending (which sucks, damn it, give Hatsumi back to Hazuki for gawd's sake), which in turn made me reminisce my past Christmases (God knows why), which consisted of blurry image of nothingness, since they weren't exactly picture perfect (the last one being especially depressing). Then I had the idea to write about Nao and her Christmas, but somehow evolved to Natsuki along the way. Well, this would've turned out better if I didn't have the _bright_ idea of watching comedy in the middle of writing it, thus killing off the angsty mood that was slowly building.

I'm still thinking on whether to add another chapter (or two) from Shizuru's persepective... but then again with my poor attention span, I wouldn't be surprised if I suddenly abandon it. Oh well...

Anyways, please read and review (and don't say anything about it being corny, unoriginal or sucky, since I've realized that long ago.)


	2. Part Two: Shizuru

A Different Christmas

Disclaimer: Mai HiME belongs to me, and apparently pigs are now blue and can fly.

Part two, mostly thoughts, more about feelings rather than Christmas. And even shorter.

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_Perhaps I am unselfish, but I am unselfish only because I'm selfish. Forgive me Natsuki, but this is the only thing I can offer to you._

---

To me the thing called Christmas had lost its meaning long ago. Perhaps it was when I caught father dressing as Santa, no, that didn't really mattered, I was in denial. I did not want to acknowledge an all powerful deity that controlled every aspect of our life. I didn't need such thing. My life was my own; the thought of following ridiculous rules only because people belief they'd rot in hell from defying angers me. If what they believed was true, then I too, shall join the martyrs and sinners amidst the raging flame for all that I have done.

Let me tell you, I am not one to linger on the past, however painful it shall be. They might think I still lingered on my misdeeds that day, and that is not entirely untrue. Somewhere, even on this holy day, someone might still be mourning over their lost loved ones that had been a sacrifice to appease for my twisted logic. I would offer my deepest condolences for them, but I would not appease as to hold remorse for their mourning, even if I was to fault; for they are but a stranger to me, no matter how inhuman it would seem.

"Kaichou-sama?" I heard someone call from behind me.

I diverted my gaze from the darkening sky outside, and flashed her a used smile, something that I had intentionally created to cover for my lack of emotions. "Is there something you need from me?" I asked her, not unkindly. My hand was still resting lightly at the window pane.

I noticed her starting to fidget nervously. People have the tendency to do that before me, and I hated it. Am I that different from them that they should act so indifferently towards me? Am I not human like them?

"I apologize to bother you, e-especially today, but our event coordinators suddenly said they couldn't make it in time for the New Year party…" She trailed off.

Sometimes I envy Suzushiro-san for her straight forwardness, because I will always be perceived as the helpful kaichou who would do any favor asked of her. I was tired of all the responsibility, tired of helping people selflessly, but the image of my façade had been so perfectly ingrained in their minds it was impossible for me to be anything else.

"Ara, that's troublesome isn't it? I shall tend to it then."

---

Sighing, I continued to stride forward, not really paying any attention towards my surrounding, when my wavering eyes caught a figure that I would recognize even a mile away. My even stride immediately slowed and eventually halted. Sitting on a table clearly visible from outside of the café, she seemed to be quite detached from her companions, Tokiha-san, and what was it… Mikoto. A pang of jealousy immediately hit me upon seeing her with them. But I disregarded it and instead focused on her expression.

It was the same as I met first met her. Like a scene from a bad movie, I confronted the girl that had long caught my attention. I remembered telling her something about flowers, I couldn't quite recall, I really didn't care about the flower she was about to crush, it was only an excuse of approaching her. Perhaps it was her lonesome figure, her air of bitterness that contrasted so much with the golden rays that framed her figure, giving a; subtle illusion of an angel, a misguided angel, perhaps it was it that attracted me.

Yes, her expression was the same as then.

_What is it that saddens you so?_ _It was always like this at Christmas isn't it? For the years we had known each other, it was only during this time that you would appear unusually uptight, a break from the calm demeanor you have always worn._

I warily took a last look at her frowning face before dragging my feet back to its original purpose; to wander aimlessly, heading nowhere, just till today is over. All the years we had known each other, we had never spent Christmas together, mainly because she denied my offer of companionship. I didn't ask her this year, because I was certain that she would deny my request again, particularly after _that _event. She had started to evade me, and I didn't blame her.

Fujino Shizuru was nothing but a name to her, whereas everyone judged me upon my reputation and my appearances alone, she judged me as the me I let her know. She once said that I was the most unselfish person she knew, maybe. The mind sees what it wants to see. In the end it was just yet another mask I wore only for her to hide my imperfectness, to keep her from hating me. But now it was exposed wasn't it? Even if she had already forgiven me, maybe she still hated me, at least, I was certain of that, what I did was irrational, bordering at madness after all.

A chime rang clearly from the distance, reminding me of the time. I slid my sleeve down and was quite surprised at how much time had passed. I was prepared to head home, but a cake sitting on a window display at a nearby bakery caught my attention. It was a small chocolate cake, and unlike other typical cakes with typical Christmas decors, this one made me give a small smile as I bent over, hands on my knees to observe it closely through the display panel. A single chocolate dog was sitting at the center of it.

I straightened myself up and calmly pushed the door leading inside the shop, open. "One of the cake over there please."

This time I did not wander aimlessly.

---

I pause in front of the entrance to her apartment complex. In the end, it's unbearable, I want to see her, I want to embrace her from the loneliness she harbors, I want to see her for my own desire.

_Forgive me for my selfishness Natsuki, I am only here because I love you, even if you will hate me._

Still clutching the white box with the cake inside, I walk in.

---

Notice the same pattern? Basically the same thing with a slight difference. It seems like I'm obsessed with facades. I assume every normal human being at least has one, it's like their natural defense mechanism or something. Well, I was actually surprised myself that I got around to writing the second part, since I'm quite notorious for suddenly abandoning something. It seems like winter is the most productive time for me, I have now concluded that dark skies and gloomy atmosphere are essential towards my overall well being. I could live without the sudden 20 degree drop, though. And yes, I live in Australia if you're wondering about my 6 months too early winter.

Hope this is somehow less corny than the first one, please review for the salvation of my dear soul, and of course, thank you to those who reviewed, much appreciated. May there be a third part… hopefully. Let's just hope I'm bored enough, shall we? (And of course it depends on the reviews… lalalalalaaaa)

P.S. Writing a serious fic while listening to Barbie Girl and watching various skits of 'My Hump' is torture, not recommended.


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